twenty-six

i’ve handled myself as if i weren’t your son / my ties to you feel as if they’re water, & not blood / the ache has swelled, as if i’ve struggled, but it’s won / i’ve given in, as if you’ve left my chest to be overcome / tears have bred, as if droplets could bring back her oceans / my stomach can’t handle it’s fill, as if food were an infection / i’m overcome, as if it was you that put me in this fetal position / i recall your heart being in what i cherish, as if i knew your perfection / but i also recall when i behaved as if you weren’t part of the equation / memories are heartless, as if hers & your own were removed from each one / i know my sins, but would you let them grow arrogant, as if they cried “it is done”